Eliza: Now you are 1

Eliza, 1 year old

Eliza, 1 year old

Dear Eliza,

Last week you turned one. You have been in our lives for a whole year, and those 12 months have flown by in a flurry of smiles, laughter and absolute joy at having you in our family. I am not going to pretend it hasn’t been hard at times – you are what is known in parenting circles as a ‘velcro baby’ – you want to be held and carried and cuddled all day long. Which is great, and most of the time I love it, but it’s also really HARD when your siblings need me too. When I need to work, when I need to cook dinner or just have a shower. But I know these baby days are short.

Your birthday was a quiet affair at home. I know lots of people go in for huge first birthday parties with 3 tier cakes worth hundreds of pounds and massive gatherings at soft play centres. But that’s just not us – sorry if you feel you’ve missed out, but you seemed pretty happy with your family and friends around you and a chocolate caterpillar cake.

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Eliza, 1 year old

Eliza, 1 year old

Eliza, 1 year old

Eliza, 1 year old

Eliza, 1 year old

The last month has seen you change so much. At 11 months old  you had just learnt to say Mama – now you never stop saying it (and I love that). You babble and chatter all day long – to me, to your Daddy and to your siblings. You’ve become less shy, and are happy to be held by others. And you’ve got yourself up on your feet. Which makes you seem like even less of a baby than you did before. And that makes me just a little bit sad.

Eliza, 1 year old\ Eliza, 1 year old

DSC_0032\ Eliza, 1 year old

You’re thriving Eliza, and you make us laugh every single day – whether that’s with delight at seeing you take your first tentative steps, or with frustration as you empty the washing basket yet again, but either way you bring us happiness all the time. You are so like your siblings – you look just like Jacob, you have the same fiery determination as Gemma, and the same cheeky, mischievous look on life as Max.

And we love you.

But as we have reached the end of your first year on Earth, I have felt a sense of loss. The very last first steps. The very last first birthday. The very last time I will watch a baby of mine turn 1, learn to walk and skip, learn to talk and communicate. And I feel like I have missed so much of your first year in a fog of postnatal depression and work commitments. Of being ‘too busy’ with your brothers and sister to give you my full attention. Of being too worried about housework and washing and school runs that I have failed to appreciate your babyness.

I know you won’t remember any of this. I hope all you remember is a feeling of being so, so loved by everyone – because you truly are. You bring light to the lives of everyone you know.

Happy birthday my precious baby girl. 

Love, Mummy.

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12 Comments

  1. June 12, 2016 / 4:38 pm

    Happy birthday Eliza! I’m sure you had a wonderful day – you look like you really enjoyed the cake! Don’t beat yourself up, Kate. You’re doing a wonderful job as a working mum and I’m sure all your babies know and feel your love x
    Steph recently posted…Big Brother, Jam Pennies and Queen – #LittleLovesMy Profile

  2. June 13, 2016 / 11:00 am

    I can’t believe Eliza is one already, how is that even possible? It’s so bittersweet isn’t it, but she’s growing into a beautiful little girl hun, you should be so proud.
    Vikki Holness recently posted…Play-Doh Town Ice Cream Truck ReviewMy Profile

  3. June 13, 2016 / 11:08 am

    wow, one!! I remember you announcing when you were expecting. Such lovely pictures x

  4. June 13, 2016 / 12:59 pm

    Awww I can’t believe she is one already – that’s flown by – it seems like it was only a few months ago I was reading your pregnancy updates! It looks like she enjoyed her cake! hehe
    Jenni – Odd Socks and Lollipops recently posted…Living Arrows 24My Profile

  5. June 13, 2016 / 2:34 pm

    Happy Birthday little one! I can totally relate to this and I only have one baby. Time goes way to fast doesn’t it?

  6. June 14, 2016 / 12:36 pm

    Happy Birthday Eliza! This post really resonated, I felt this way when my little girl (my last baby) turned one. Each new stage is so exciting, but there is a sense of loss when it’s the last first. Beautiful post xx
    Sara | mumturnedmom recently posted…Siblings: June 2016My Profile

  7. June 17, 2016 / 8:24 pm

    Oh gorgeous little lady! I can’t believe how fast that year has gone! She is absolutely beautiful and I would say that the caterpillar cake was just perfect xx
    ghostwritermummy recently posted…I Won’t be SilencedMy Profile

  8. June 17, 2016 / 9:51 pm

    What a gorgeous little girl. I can’t believe how fast she grew already.
    We have yet to use the card I stood for the first time and I walked for the first time. My 16 months old girl is not bothered with it

  9. A beautiful post and happy belated birthday gorgeous Eliza!
    The photos are wonderful, she is such a cutie and you can just feel the love flowing from your words Kate, it’s lovely.
    Lily had a small family birthday as well with a photo cake and 90’s-style cheap party food but I wouldn’t have had it any other way, she was our focus and she loved it. We had cupcakes and she had a bite out of most of them and put them back, it was hilarious.
    I feel so much mummy guilt all of the time so I know how you feel but please, please don’t feel that way. We all have so much to do in this busy, modern world but all that matters is that you were there and you loved her. That’s all she cares about believe me!
    X X

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