I hate reflux

Max has reflux. It sucks. He is 15 weeks old today, and I feel like those 15 weeks have not been as blissful as they should be, and it’s all because of reflux. 

Since the very early days, Max has been on Gaviscon. It didn’t do much, and so on we went to Zantac. We saw a slight improvement for a week or two, before Max returned to a vomit machine. 
So, off we went to the paediatrician. On his advice, I cut all dairy out of my diet, as he suspected Max had a cows milk protein intolerance.
This helped – less crying after feeds, less arching of the back etc. But still the sick keeps coming….
This time we get a prescription for Domperidone. I really, really HATE the idea of filling my son with drugs. He is far too small. But it has to be done.
Some improvement. Less vomit. It’s still there, don’t get me wrong. But there is less of it. I start to feel more positive…..
That is until Thursday. It’s weigh in day with the health visitor. I go in all smiles, with tales of how the Domperidone seems to be of some help.
I come out in tears.
Max has a big red ‘Failure to Thrive’ written over his growth charts. He has not put on the specified amount of weight this month.
Now, deep down I know he’s OK. Yes he is small….but he was born prematurely, he was poorly. He has reflux, and a cows milk intolerance. He is not your average baby. But he is putting on weight (albeit slowly) and he is the happiest baby you will ever meet.
He smiles
He laughs
He ALMOST rolls over
He is alert, bright and active.
I know all these things, and I know that he will be fine. But that ‘Failure to Thrive’? That gets to me. It sounds as though I have failed to nourish and nurture. I feel I have failed my baby.
I know deep down – I haven’t. But that feeling still stays. 
Reflux sucks.
It’s not just REFLUX. It’s our LIVES. I wear my band with pride.
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12 Comments

  1. August 17, 2013 / 8:42 pm

    Well you haven’t failed ! Your health visitor has , failed to notice children don’t read the rule books or follow outdated number graphs and charts. But from one reflux mum to another …. Reflux sucks but it does end big hugs to you and max

  2. August 17, 2013 / 8:45 pm

    Seriously when will they stop using these stupid red books against parents?

    All babies are different, there should be no ‘norm’ breast fed babies out on weight differently than bottle fed ones. The books are so outdated its unreal.

    Your a good mum to a prem baby with reflux….they shouldn’t be making you feel bad they should be helping. ..these books DON’T help!

    Hugs

    • August 17, 2013 / 8:46 pm

      Ps. From personal experience I too know reflux sucks!

  3. August 17, 2013 / 8:50 pm

    I’d feel the same if I were you ‘failure to thrive’ is a terrible phrase. You clearly love your baby and want the very best for him. With your love and your care, I’m sure he is ‘thriving’ on that alone.

    Hugs x

  4. August 17, 2013 / 9:02 pm

    They should really look at getting rid of the term ‘failure to thrive’ it just creates panic and guilt in already stressed out mummies which could easily lead to even more problems! By the way, my Oliver was classed as the same, dropped 50th centile to 2nd centile…he is now a happy, healthy five year old boy….and he is still on the 2nd centile…he is just a diddy one!! You are doing a great job, don’t let anyone make you feel otherwise x

  5. August 17, 2013 / 9:02 pm

    They should really look at getting rid of the term ‘failure to thrive’ it just creates panic and guilt in already stressed out mummies which could easily lead to even more problems! By the way, my Oliver was classed as the same, dropped 50th centile to 2nd centile…he is now a happy, healthy five year old boy….and he is still on the 2nd centile…he is just a diddy one!! You are doing a great job, don’t let anyone make you feel otherwise x

  6. August 17, 2013 / 9:06 pm

    I remember that feeling oh so well, one of the reason I didn’t bond so well with little man he did nothing but scream but we came through it, its hard but you are doing everything you can not all babies are the same, not all adults are the same shape size!

  7. August 17, 2013 / 9:12 pm

    I think as parents, we all feel like we have failed our babies in one way, shape or form and I too have had a baby with reflux BUT I can tell you now. You have not failed him and he will continue to be the happy little man you help him to be x

  8. August 17, 2013 / 10:17 pm

    Massive hugs, Reflux almost wipes some of the good times that the first few months are supposed to be, but they do grow out of it, they do grow up and get stronger and better and you know something in a years time, you might reflect on this time, but you will be so busy chasing him around, it will be but a memory.
    For now go on a Mother’s instinct, not the red book that is for dolls I am sure, if you see your son is happy and he is gaining albeit slowly, then know you are doing everything you can and also know that to him, YOU are his world, to Max you are The Perfect Mummy and you know something, YOU are too, sending big hugs and hope the horrid reflux, flucks off soon hun x

  9. August 18, 2013 / 12:19 am

    I know nothing about reflux, but I do know about Maths (as a teacher of the subject) and HVs. Have you checked they have plotted the graph correctly? Scatter graphs are meant to be marked with crosses not dots. Its a grade D subject at GCSE and as I am yet to meet an HV who can plot a graph correctly I can only assume that none of them have a GCSE in maths… For some reason they were never too happy when I pointed this out…

  10. August 22, 2013 / 10:25 am

    I don’t know reflux, but I know health visitors. And you haven’t failed. He is growing, he is eating, he is feeling better. All these means that you really haven’t failed. They mean you are succeeding under tough circumstances. Don’t let the health visitor get to you. I know it’s easier said than done but don’t. It’s rubbish. x

  11. August 26, 2013 / 6:13 pm

    I hate health visitors, they were useless and missed very important red flags with Ethan so don’t worry about them. I hope the reflux starts to ease because its horrible to see little babies go through that.

    Thanks for linking up with Small Steps Amazing Achievements :0)
    x

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