I feel so, so blessed to have my 3 children. Their pregnancies were all relatively problem free – the odd niggle here and there, but overall no concerns. The births were not ideal by any means (you can read my birth stories here) but at the end of the day they are now all happy, healthy children and I know how lucky I am, I really do.
Did you know that 1 in 4 pregnancies ends in a miscarriage? This can mean anything from going to your scan only to find no heartbeat, to losing a pregnancy very early on, just as you have found out. Which is exactly what happened to me a few weeks ago.
We hadn’t been expecting it, but something told me that I ought to take a test – and it was positive. Cue huge shock, and a frantic call to the husband to inform him.
My mind was whirling with thoughts. Could we cope with 4? How would the other 3 children react? Could we afford this? Is 4 C sections a sensible choice, can my body cope? Underneath all the questions though, was something else. A little bubble of happiness that said maybe this was meant to be. Maybe there are destined to be 4 children in this family. We would cope, we could cope, we could make it work.
I got on the phone to my doctor, and we discussed the implications of a 4th C section. Although not ideal by any stretch of the imagination, I would be closely monitored and as long as I took the recovery slowly he didn’t foresee any problems. Great I thought, it’s all looking a bit more manageable.
And then I started bleeding.
I know that bleeding in pregnancy is very, very normal so I didn’t feel overly concerned. But as the day went on, and I packed my bags for Britmums, I knew that this wasn’t meant to be. That maybe this family is not meant to have 4 children after all.
Britmums weekend passed by in a blur of new faces, fantastic learning opportunities and hugs. It was amazing, but slightly overshadowed by the thoughts at the back of my head. I avoided the keynotes – I knew I wasn’t in the right place for those, and made an earlier exit.
I know it happens. I know it was very, very early and that it was never really a baby. But in your head, the second you see that positive result, it IS a baby. No, we weren’t expecting it, but that didn’t make it any easier to accept it was over before it had even begun.
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I’m so sorry for your loss Kate and I know how you’re feeling. I suffered a miscarriage in February, the day after my sons 1st birthday and I’m still not completely over it. Once you see that ‘positive’ test you just can’t help imagine that you’re going to have a baby soon. Big hugs.
Fiona @ http://www.dollydowsie.com
Really sorry Kate, as you said it’s a baby as soon as you get that positive test so the loss is always going to be there xxx
I am so sorry to hear this Kate 🙁 No matter how early it happens it still hits you hard and it’s still your baby! If you ever need to talk you know where I am, having been through a miscarriage myself recently. Thinking of you xxx
Xxx
Really so sorry for your loss. I lost our accidental third last year and went through the same emotions as you. Eventually, I decided we were meant to be a family of 3, if that’s what we all wanted and now I’m a few days off giving birth. I know what you mean but it was a baby. I don’t know if this was your first miscarriage, it was mine and I found it really hard to deal with. Take all the time you deserve to mourn. Sending you love x
Oh bless you Kate. I’m so sorry.
I have had two miscarriages, one before each of my children, both at seven weeks. I know how crushing and lonely it is and I’m sorry you are going through it. Sending lots of love. x
So sorry hun, it is so horrible no matter who you are or how many weeks you are. Hope you’re ok x
i’m so sorry to read this kate 🙁 xxx
I’m so sorry for your loss xxx
A positive pregnancy test is hope. To lose a baby at any stage is like having those hopes dashed. You are very brave writing about it and I hope it helps you. You have experienced a loss so let yourself grieve as even having had other children doesn’t make up for that one. Big hugs xxx
So terribly sorry Kate xxx
I’m so sorry, I still cry about my losses, it’s all the hopes and dreams you see when you have the positive result smashed, ignoring the physical hurt, it is terribly upsetting. Huge hugs x
Im so sorry to hear this. Big hugs x
So sorry for your loss, miscarriage is terrible whenever they occur. Thinking of you at this time, give yourself time to grieve xxx
I’m sorry for your loss. Mummies love their babies as soon as they see that line on the test xxx
So sorry for your loss Kate, I’m sure it’s never easy to lose a baby no matter how far along you are 🙁 xx
I’m so sorry Kate x
So sorry Kate. Not an easy thing to go through xxx
Oh I’m so sorry know how your feeling, I lost a baby at 8 weeks not long after my son was 6 months, was difficult but it’s getting easier with time big hugs xx