I am lost…

Ever feel lost?

Like everything you do isn’t quite the way it should be?

That no matter how hard you try, you don’t feel ‘right’?

Tha’s me lately.

I try so hard to be the way I feel I should be. But I sometimes think I am being far too hard on myself. I want things to be a certain way, to be perfect, but I never seem to get there. And then I beat myself up.
I’m not a perfect mum, and I don’t pretend to be. But lately, I feel like I am doing a worse job than usual.

I don’t know what it is, I can’t put my finger on it. But I want to be better. My job is to be a good mum, a good wife and keep a good home. And I feel I fail on all 3 counts.

My kids are lovely, they really are. They are polite, intelligent and active – so in my heart I know I am doing something right – yet that doesn’t stop me feeling like I am failing. Like I am drowning.

I think I need a focus – something that is just for me. Not me as ‘mummy’, not me as everyone else sees me, but something for me as I see me. I don’t even know if that makes sense to you, but I know what I mean. I look at my kids and I love them so much it hurts – but am I setting them a good example? I can’t answer that – but I really hope so. And if not, then I need to do something about that.

So give me inspiration, give me hope – tell me that it is OK to feel like this, and that things will change. Because I can’t be the only one out there to feel like this, surely?



  1. October 18, 2013 / 1:17 pm

    I think you’re underestimating yourself an awful lot here. I’ve had times like this and I just needed someone to tell me that I am a good person and I do the best job I possibly can do. I believe it’s perfectly normal to feel this way, every human feels like this at least once in their life.

    Maybe getting an active hobby away from being a mummy and wife will boost your spirits?? If you’re worrying about setting an example for your children, then why don’t you get involved with charity work, even an hours dedication can be fulfilling and you can help people.

    I hope this helps, if you need someone to speak to I’m on facebook on UK Bloggers. I know how feeling like this can start to have a knock on effect with your confidence.

    Kate Hurn xxx

    • October 18, 2013 / 1:25 pm

      Thanks for taking the time to comment. I like the idea of charity work, and am going to look into it. Thankyou

  2. October 18, 2013 / 1:21 pm

    I feel like this regularly Kate. Please don’t feel bad about feeling this way. Being a Mum is complicated and brings with it a million and one other jobs, emotions, feelings, complications. I try and see the funny side of things. Nobody is the perfect mum as far as I am concerned – we’re all different.

    I hope you feel better soon, don’t be too hard on yourself. Treat yourself – a glass of wine, some chocolates, a nice long bath – whatever it is that will make you feel a bit better. xxx

    • October 18, 2013 / 1:25 pm

      Being a mum is a hard job I think! Will treat myself to a bath and a glass of wine tonight. Thankyou!

  3. October 18, 2013 / 1:24 pm

    Oh Kate, I could have wrote that. I feel like this all the time. I think it’s part and parcel of being a mum. Before you have kids you dream about the kind of parent you will be, and what you will do. And you never really live up to it, no matter how hard you try.
    You aren’t alone xx

    • October 18, 2013 / 1:25 pm

      Thanks Laura, it is good to know I am not alone in feeling this way. xxx

  4. October 18, 2013 / 1:30 pm

    I think you voice the concerns many of us feel! But let me say you are a super organised mum to three lovely kids you are doing lots right!

    What about running? I find it helps get out the stress and gives you head space and a rush of endorphins. I’m rubbish at it but started slowly and I’m getting better and I enjoy it, it’s free and quick

    • October 18, 2013 / 1:45 pm

      Running is a great idea, thanks Karen!

  5. October 18, 2013 / 1:32 pm

    I think sometimes you feel your identity gets lost when you becomes a mum, its not about you any more its about your children, your family etc as a whole. Are your children happy and healthy, well from what you have said ‘ yes’….which means you haven’t failed on that count. Just because your a mum it doesn’t mean that’s the be all and end all of you……I have 2 boys, im married plus i work full time and am also self employed with my own design business. Im really proud of what iv done, proud of being a mother and a wife but my career is also important too…and i finally took the plunge and set my own business up. Doing what you want to do gives you a focus and makes you stronger and happier.. Is there a course you’ve always fancied doing?, a job you’d like to do but need training for?, a new sport you’d like to get involved in. Just go for it…as Kate said above, doing stuff away from being a mother will give you your identity back and breathe new life into you!!

    And no your not abnormal…loads of people feel the same, iv had times like this as well…come up with a list of things you fancy doing, pick one and just go for it!!
    Frankie xx


    • October 18, 2013 / 1:46 pm

      I want to be a midwife – very much so. Am looking into courses at the moment, so hoping that will give me back my focus. Thanks for taking the time to comment.

  6. October 18, 2013 / 1:38 pm

    Oh my goodness – yes we ALL feel like this sometimes. I think it is made worse by the fact that the ‘stay at home mum’ gets a raw deal in society. You might be feeling like this at the mo because of the change of seasons, because your kids aren’t around so much now it’s school term, because you are tired – or for any reason at all. I’m sure it will pass and I’m SURE you are doing a good job in your many roles.

    • October 18, 2013 / 1:46 pm

      I think the tiredness that comes with 3 kids (one of whom is a teeny baby) is not helping. I am sure it will pass. Thankyou xx

  7. October 18, 2013 / 2:15 pm

    I’ve also felt like this before. Some things just doesn’t feel right, I know it’s hard but hey at least you tried. I don’t really know what to say, I’m not really good at giving advices. I just want you to know that yes, it’s okay to feel like that, it’s normal. Things will eventually get better. 🙂

  8. October 18, 2013 / 6:16 pm

    *Passes cake and gin then follows it up with a good shake and a cuddle*
    Stop being such a perfectionist! You know your kids are gorgeous and you know you are a wonderful, kind and thoughtful person.
    I think a little non-mummy based distraction sounds like a good plan 🙂 x x x

  9. October 18, 2013 / 8:30 pm

    It sounds like you are doing an amazing job but I know exactly what it feels like. We do set ourselves ridiculously high standards and then feel like failures when we fall short. I second running or any exercise you enjoy, even just walking or even just doing something you enjoy that doesn’t involve the children – crafts, reading etc. See what is going on in your community – check out the library, community centres they do courses and have meet ups (that aren’t always for the retired lol!). If you are interested in midwifery then volunteering at the hospital would come in really useful for the application and may confirm your vocation. All the best!! x

  10. littlemansmum
    October 18, 2013 / 11:23 pm

    I know how you feel. I hope that you find something that helps you become you again and not just mummy.

  11. October 19, 2013 / 1:05 am

    I have identical thoughts. I think it is good to want to improve. But, also, be sure to appreciate the good things you have done. Every day identify at least three things that you feel you did well. Try to focus on the positive aspects of your day. No one is perfect and no day will ever be perfect, but there will always be some good in that day.

  12. October 19, 2013 / 12:56 pm

    I think most moms feel like this at certain points. You feel sad, like it s never enough or good enough, but I think it s part of the journey of getting to where you have something (job,volunteer, hobby) that is for you outside of your role as mother and wife. But because we want something just for ourselves we feel bad.
    Angela @ Time with A & N

  13. October 19, 2013 / 4:06 pm

    It is ABSOLUTELY okay to feel this way, and it’s normal, too! Gemma, Jacob and Max are really little still and need your seemingly 24/7 attention. Of course you’re going to feel like you’ve lost a sense of yourself. Joining a book group, an exercise class, a walking group, or even auditing a college class (that means you don’t get credit, but you also don’t have to take tests or do homework!) are ideas of things that could be just for you. Think about doing something on a regularly scheduled basis, something that you can count on and look forward to. My kiddos are 15 and 17 and I can tell you that it will get better! Keep in touch! http://ladyblogger.net

    • October 19, 2013 / 8:54 pm

      Thanks – it’s good to hear from someone who has made it out the other side lol!

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