Is it OK to say I’m not OK?

I'm not OK

I’m not OK. Is it OK to say that?

I am 26 weeks pregnant with a happy healthy baby. I should be grateful – and I am. Believe me, I am. But I am also exhausted, struggling to sleep, struggling to manage work, the washing, cleaning, cooking, shopping. I am terrified about this baby coming too early and having to spend more weeks in special care. I am terrified that a new baby will disrupt our little family unit, that Gemma, Jacob and Max will feel left out, or not bond. I’m worried I won’t bond. I’m worried the postnatal depression will creep back and I will be lost in that dark cloud again. 

I have 3 wonderful children. I should be grateful – and I am. But I am also worried that I don’t give them enough time, that I am failing as a parent. Jacob is struggling at the moment, he has just had a series of blood tests as he is so tired, so pale, so angry all the time. I have failed him as a parent, he shouldn’t be feeling that way at 6. Gemma is 9, and I need to make time to have a growing up chat with her, but I don’t know what to say or where to start. Am I failing her too? Max is happy enough, but will the new baby change that? I don’t want to fail him. 

I have a supportive husband, a lovely home, a job that allows me to stay at home with the children. I should be grateful – and I am. But am I actually giving any of them the attention they need? By the time I have got the kids from school, cooked tea, bathed them and got them to bed I am too tired to tidy the house, too tired to work and give my blog the attention it needs, too tired to spend quality time with Kevin. I just fall asleep on the sofa, or go to bed early. Am I failing there too? Am I just being pathetic?

I have it all. I have everything people want, everything I want. But I still don’t feel like I am OK. Is it OK to say that?

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37 Comments

    • kate
      Author
      March 27, 2015 / 10:53 am

      Thank you, it’s good to know it’s OK to admit to finding things a struggle!

    • kate
      Author
      March 27, 2015 / 12:45 pm

      Very true.

  1. March 27, 2015 / 12:37 pm

    Yep, it’s definitely ok. I think we all get like that and up until recently I had about 6 months of just being a bit unhappy for no real reason at all – yet I have the marriage, kids, house, car. But I still didn’t feel ok. Can completely relate x
    Donna recently posted…Kids Kit Peli’s Play PouchMy Profile

    • kate
      Author
      March 27, 2015 / 12:45 pm

      Thanks Donna, good to know others can relate. I feel so ungrateful feeling this way!

  2. March 27, 2015 / 12:44 pm

    It is so so hard to juggle everything and I admire anyone thats dealing with more than one child. I find it tough with JUST Z and a part time job. Its definitely ok to say you’re not ok, a wonderful break every now and then really should be mandatory xx
    Notmyyearoff recently posted…Loud n Proud – Little Life ChangesMy Profile

    • kate
      Author
      March 27, 2015 / 12:44 pm

      Wonder if we could get a doctor to prescribe it? Lol

  3. March 27, 2015 / 2:27 pm

    oh Hun, i can totally relate to how your feeling. Although i am not currently pregnant, I am caring for my terminally ill mother at my house, while trying to look after my three children and keep everything else ticking over.

    While i try to keep myself pulled together, for the sake of those around me, I do crack from time to time.

    I have a 9 year old daughter and i brought her a book called “Girls Only! All About Periods and Growing-Up Stuff” (from Amazon) and she really found it really useful.

    Keep smiling hun xx
    Danielle Did What recently posted…Daphne & Pearl French Bulldog PuppiesMy Profile

  4. March 27, 2015 / 3:57 pm

    It’s definitely ok. Its so hard holding everything together sometimes, especially with so much weighing on your mind. Its always better to say how you’re feeling than to try to mask it *hugs* xxxx
    Hayley recently posted…Toddler Easter Crafting!My Profile

  5. March 27, 2015 / 7:58 pm

    its totally fine to say that! I can relate myself as I have 3 children as well and I am studying etc and days never seem long enough.

  6. March 28, 2015 / 11:31 am

    I do think it’s completely OK to say you are not ok darling. You have so much on your plate and I know as parents we are so hard on ourselves about how the other kids will bond and response and it’s worrisome because you had a routine and how will the baby fit into that now. But I am from eight siblings none of us felt left out or forgotten and we all are so close. I love a big family and the amazing dynamics it creates. I think the unknown is what makes us worry but before you know it you will be holding your beautiful baby and you will find your routine with your family and they will with the baby. But definitely ok to say you are not ok and I think just admitting it and saying it out loud makes us feel better too. Thank you so much for linking up to Share With Me. #sharewithme
    Jenny recently posted…Traveling, new goals and an interview #littlelovesMy Profile

  7. April 1, 2015 / 11:05 am

    It is definitely ok to say that you are not ok! We are only human, and we can’t be perfect all of the time!
    You have so much going on at the moment and you are doing so well, try not to be too hard on yourself! Take it easy for a while, being pregnant is tough and tiring, treat yourself to show you time in the evening to try and refresh yourself xx
    Bloggermummylauren recently posted…Autism Awareness Week 2015My Profile

  8. April 1, 2015 / 12:34 pm

    I agree with everybody else – it is very OK to say when you are not OK. I hated being pregnant, I found it exhausting and for me the sleep deprivation of a newborn is infinitely preferable. Sometimes all you can do is batten down the hatches and wait for things to feel better xx

  9. April 1, 2015 / 4:09 pm

    I think it is totally ok to say you are not ok, everyone is dealing with different challenges and the only way others can really support you is if you let them know you need it!

  10. April 1, 2015 / 5:37 pm

    Once you admit that you are not ok you give your heart and mind permission to work on the problem. Hopefully soon you will start to feel a bit better here and there, I am sure that your other children are fantastic, honest, take a bit more care of yourself and watch things fall into shape. Hugs.
    Nikki Frank-Hamilton recently posted…Pinterest Recipe ReviewMy Profile

  11. April 1, 2015 / 7:15 pm

    We all have days (weeks/months) when we aren’t ok.

    No matter how blessed we are with our children (and pregnancies), it’s still so damn hard.

    I look at people without kids and I’m constantly saying “make the most of it before you have kids”. I must make it sounds like such fun…..

    But it is HARD, and it is difficult, and sometimes I just want to curl up in a ball and be by myself for five minutes (at exactly the time I can’t have five minutes).

    Being strong is about admitting when we are struggling, and to ask for help. xxx

  12. April 1, 2015 / 9:42 pm

    I so know where you are coming from, i felt like this the whole way through my pregnancy, I felt like I was failing as a partner, a mother and at work, one big fail. I want you to know it’s perfectly normal to feel this way, as mums we are stretched in so many different directions and it’s exhausting, especially when we are pregnant too. Hormones don’t help the situation either they’re little buggers!! Take time for yourself to reflect and think. Mums have such a hard job, I hope you feel better soon x

  13. Tracy K Nixon
    April 2, 2015 / 10:05 am

    I must admit I always say I am ok even when I am not, even to my doctor. I tend to just fumble on and try and get myself out of the rut I am in or cure myself. It is only when I crack and others can see I need help, I am able to admit to it. It is hard – not all can say those words: I’m not ok.

  14. April 3, 2015 / 11:14 am

    Yes. It is 100% OK to not be OK. Well done you for being brave enough to say it out loud. Now you should try and be brave enough to say it to you husbands and your doctor.Pregnancy hormones do crazy things to you. Don’t suffer and struggle alone, ask for help. I bet there are loads of people who would help if they knew. Whatever you do don’t feel bad about feeling bad- that way madness lies *hugs*

    #madmidweekbloghop

  15. Kate Cass
    April 3, 2015 / 8:29 pm

    I have fibromyalgia and a bunch of other medical probs because I pushed and pushed when I had a bad chest infection and my immune system had a breakdown and now does things it shouldn’t but after accepting I wasn’t ok and accepting help from loved ones rather than gripping hard to independence I found that I became a new manageable ok. The most difficult thing is to admit that you are not ok, but once you do and get past that initial feeling of failure or dejection you can start accepting and building yourself back up. You may never reach your previous ok, but you’ll find a new ok, with new mechanisms to deal with problems. I wish you the best and things do get better!

  16. Rachel Craig
    April 4, 2015 / 5:19 am

    Maybe the pace of modern life is just too fast for many. As it should be ok to rest, relax, nurture self and family. Whilst also taking pleasure in such shared family tasks. Best Wishes.

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