Finding it hard

I’m finding it hard I’m not going to lie
The days are a blur as I try not to cry

Having Eliza has just been so hard
Memories of this time already marred

I’m living in dark clouds instead of the sun
The newborn days just haven’t been fun

I look at Eliza and I just feel pain
And waves of guilt again and again

We aren’t making memories, we’re just getting through
Doing the things that I know I should do.

Putting on a show that everything’s well.
Knowing deep down I feel like a shell.

Feeding and sleeping, we’re not getting there
I really do love her, I really do care

But I’m not enjoying. I’m not doing
great
There are many days where I’m just filled with hate

Hate for the guilt that I didn’t do right. Hate for the dark that descends every night.
Hate for the fact that I’m finding it tough.
Hate for the thought that I’m just not enough.
Hate for not being all here for my babies
Hate for this life that is just filled with maybes.
Maybe it will pass, maybe it goes, maybe I’m weak, maybe, who knows?

But for now I am living this time day by day
Hoping these dark clouds will soon go away