2017 will forever be the year my dreams came true.
I have wanted to be a midwife ever since I traumatic birth experience almost 12 years ago. I had a really traumatic birth experience with her, but I couldn’t have asked for a better midwife supporting me. Without her, there is absolutely no way I would have ever been able to have more children; it’s as simple as that. Birth trauma stole my first birthing experience, and it devastated me. It sunk me into postnatal depression, giving me nightmares, flashbacks and an inability to bond and cope.
My midwife pulled me out of the dark cloud, she taught me ways to cope with everyday life, she showed my family and friends how to support me. She sat with me when I cried, and she listened when I fell pregnant again and went to her in tears of joy and terror.
What a privileged position to be in, to be there at the very beginning of new life, as families are made – and trusted to be there to help pick up the pieces when things go wrong.
Once our family was complete, I started my research – how to become a midwife? I started an access course, studying alongside my new job as a maternity care assistant – valuable experience. I fired off a UCAS application, crossed my fingers and waited. I got an interview, then I waited some more.
And then. I received an offer.
I was going to be a midwife.
I cried, again with a mixture of joy, and disbelief, and terror.
And in September, my journey began. I started uni as a student midwife, learning the basic clinical skills, the physiology of labour and birth, and the anatomy of the female body. In November I started my first clinical placement, and caught my first baby. By the end of the placement, I had delivered 9 more.
I can’t even begin to tell you how overwhelming it all is. It’s all I have wanted for so many years, and I still can’t quite believe it’s coming true. There is a lot of hard work ahead, and I know there will be days I question everything. But it’s going to be worth it. A hundred times over.
So what are my goals for 2018?
- To continue working hard at uni, to pass the first year with good grades.
- To try and maintain a good work/life balance. This is hard, with uni blocks and placement shifts, but I am determined to make the most of the time I do have with the kids – trips to the park, helping with homework, getting to as many school events as possible. The simple things.
- To look at extending our home. We would like to build a small extension, to create a playroom and a boot room. I want to start making some proper plans, consult a builder and get some quotes.
- Not to sweat the small stuff. I am easily frustrated, and often blow things out of proportion. This year, I am trying to keep my emotions in check more, to let go of the things I cannot change, and to concentrate on what matters most.
Happy New Year everyone. Here’s to 2018 being the best yet – we deserve it!